The Talk with Dr. Saliha Afridi: Emotional Resilience During Uncertain Times
“Your mindset with which you approach COVID-19 is going to determine the outcome. Life is not what happens to you, it’s what story you choose to tell about what happens to you”.
Dr. Saliha Afridi, Clinical Psychologist & Managing Director of The Light House Arabia
We took some time to ask Dr. Saliha how best to manage during these uncertain times. Here is what she had to say;
We are working through some very challenging times and knowing how to manage our thoughts in a way to serve us better seems wise. It is all too easy easy to catastrophize and worry about the future. We reached out to Dr. Saliha Afridi, Clinical Psychologist to ask her expert opinion on what we can be doing do become more emotionally resilient during these testing times.
Dr. Saliha Afridi -
COVID-19 has everyone feeling anxious, worried and overwhelmed. People have gone from going about their daily routines of going to work, having their children in school, being able to entertain and having a social life, to being told that they cannot leave their house all within a couple of weeks. These are major life adjustments and drastic life changes that everyone has had to make—so feeling out of control, overwhelmed, anxious and scared are all very normal feelings during such a crisis.
Uncertainty and a loss of control are two of the biggest stressors that a human being can face. Under all trauma, there is a feeling of loss of control or powerlessness. And while there are so many things that are not in our control right now, there are many things that you can do to establish a sense of control in your life quickly.
1. MindSet
Your mindset with which you approach COVID-19 is going to determine the outcome. Life is not what happens to you, it’s what story you choose to tell about what happens to you. There have been studies done on trauma survivors who experienced very difficult life experiences but some of them developed PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) while others got PTG (post traumatic growth), and there were some who did both. They went through the PTSD, but once they processed their pain, and healed from it, they actually integrated as wisdom, compassion, appreciation.
The people in the PTG group, went through a traumatic experience but they didn’t just bounce back, they were not just resilient, but they actually grew stronger and more compassionate as a result. They experienced a psychological transformation once they went through a stressful encounter. And the way they did that, is they made meaning out of their pain and suffering. They thought…this is not happening to me- this is happening for me.
2. The Story You Tell Yourself
Consider the words you use to tell your story. Instead of saying “I am in social isolation” say “I am staying indoors” or “I am staying safe.” Instead of saying “I am social distancing” say, “I am going to keep 2 meters between me and the other person.” The words you use will set the mood for your story. One story is based in fear, the other is based in realistic optimism. And the truth is that words like social isolation and social distancing are outdated, and pre-internet, pre-video chat, and pre-social media. We can be at home alone but not feel isolated if we are part of communities and remain connected to our loved ones.
3. Sense of Control
Do the things you can do. It’s important for you to get a sense of control back in your life and the fastest way to do that is to engage in action. Action counteracts fear and gives us a sense of control. Much of psychology behind panic buying has to do with people wanting to feel a sense of control and a feeling of preparedness. But instead of panic buying and hoarding, you can exercise, declutter, clean your home, or reorganize your furniture. These are quick ways for you to feel like you are in control because you set a goal and you accomplished it. One note of caution: do not wait for motivation before you start acting. Start, and the motivation will follow.
4. Limit The News
When our mind feels it does not understand what is happening or that things are uncertain, it will seek information to calm itself. We think that if we read more, we will know more, and if we know more, we will be more prepared. The truth is that the more you know the more you will want to know—its literally feeding the beast. The only one way to calm the anxiety is to give it the facts and then stop. Because by this time you know everything there is to know about keeping you and your family safe. Do not start your day with the news and do not end your day with the news. Pick one reliable local channel, and the World Health Organization and get your news from those two sources and read it once a day. You might need to leave some group chats for the time being and draw some firm boundaries with friends who are obsessed with COVID-19 that you would like to see them, but you would prefer to talk about anything other than that.
5. Routine
Have a routine. Routine is the antidote to anxiety. It’s important that you do not let yourself into a ‘relaxed, long, weekend’ mode for the next few weeks. The reality is that we do not know how long we are going to be staying at home and working from home, so you have to establish a new normal as soon as possible. This means you wake up, exercise, shower, change into work clothes or out of your pajamas, sit down in a designated workplace, and shut off work at a certain time, and eat dinner and sleep at prescribed times.
6. Connection
Connect to combat isolation. You need to have a plan to be connected to people. If you live alone, you need to write down a list of people that you will connect to every day and also assign yourself a buddy who also lives alone and you two check in on each other every day. If one doesn’t hear from the other, then they should call. This will relieve you of the anxiety that if something were to happen to you, at least someone will know. And if you live with people, you need a plan to engage in activities that allow you to have fun, laugh, and be together.
For more resources and information on how to manage during these uncertain times, Dr. Saliha Afridi provides support through her free online community on Instagram @drsalihaafridi and on her YouTube channel. Watch her video on Emotional Resilience here.